This is your breast on drugs. Any questions?

Saw a new drug commercial tonight. This one was for Evista, a drug that, according to the ad at least, can reduce risk of both osteoporosis and breast cancer in postmenopausal women.

The ad's gimmick is simple: a series of women of a certain age, all clothed only in sheets with which they artfully cover their presumably Evista-protected breasts, gaze into the camera. As the voice-over asks questions related to whether they're interested in maintaining the integrity of their bones and boobs well into their dotage, a few of the women raise one hand.

That would be dumb enough on its own, but it gets better. Like every other insipid American drug ad, this ad includes the mandatory litany of warnings and contraindications, all glossed over in gentle tones that suggest you won't have to worry about anything like these side effects happening to you. Here's the whole blurb, courtesy of the Evista website:

EVISTA is not for everyone. Serious side effects can occur while taking EVISTA.

EVISTA may cause an increased risk of blood clots. You should not take EVISTA if you have had or are at risk for getting blood clots in the legs, lungs, or eyes. Stop taking EVISTA and call your doctor if you have swelling or feeling of warmth in your legs, chest pain, shortness of breath, coughing up blood or sudden changes in vision, as these may be signs of a blood clot. Being unable to move around for long periods may increase this risk. If you will need to be still for a long time, talk to your healthcare professional about ways to reduce the risk of blood clots.

In a study of women past menopause who were at high risk for heart attack, EVISTA increased the risk of dying from a stroke. However, EVISTA did not increase the risk of heart attack, stroke, or dying from other causes. Before taking EVISTA, tell your healthcare professional if you have had a stroke, mini-stroke, irregular heartbeat, high blood pressure, heart attack, history of smoking, or believe you have other risk factors for stroke or a heart attack.

You should not take EVISTA if you are nursing, pregnant, or may become pregnant, as it may harm your baby. If you have kidney or liver problems, you should talk to your healthcare professional about these conditions before taking EVISTA. Do not take EVISTA with estrogen in the form of pills, patches, or injections.

The most common side effects are hot flashes, leg cramps, swelling, flu-like symptoms, joint pain, and sweating. In clinical trials, side effects were usually mild enough that most women did not stop taking EVISTA.

Throughout the whole time the gentle voice-over reads this blurb, the images of the ladies keep cycling. But this time, not one of them raises her hand.