You don't have to live like a refugee

Got this little nugget of e-mail wisdom forwarded from a relative-in-law:

CANADA PENSION

Only in Canada.

Do not apply for your old age pension. Apply to be a refugee.

It is interesting that the federal government provides a single refugee with a monthly allowance of $1,890.00 and each can get an additional $580.00 in social assistance for a total of $2,470.00.

This compares very well to a single pensioner who, after contributing to the growth and development of Canada for 40 or 50 years, can only receive a monthly maximum of $1,012.00
in old age pension and Guaranteed Income Supplement.

Maybe our pensioners should apply as refugees!

Let's send this thought to as many Canadians as we can and maybe we can get the refugees cut back to $1,012.00 and the pensioners up to $2,470.00 , so they can enjoy the money they were forced to submit to the Canadian government for those 40 to 50 years.

Please forward this to every Canadian you know.

Uh huh. Never mind that the Canadian government has actually felt compelled to post an official response to this drivel. This is another one of those seemingly outrageous "facts" that is neither factual nor outrageous—unless, of course, you're both stupid and racist.

The government's official response, though admirable in its attempt to elicit some empathy for the plight of your average refugee, is woefully inadequate. So here's my shot at improving it:

First, consider that our hypothetical "single refugee" will likely receive the monthly allowance for one year or less (according to the government website). Now, consider the 15 to 25 years our poor, underpaid Canadian pensioner will be collecting old age pension—not to mention the actual Canada pension this e-mail alludes to, but never actually talks about. Canadians get the old age pension just for having lived here at least 10 years. The Canada pension—which adds up to a max of around $800 a month to the old age pension—is what they get for being "forced" to contribute to the pension plan through paycheque deductions.

Let's do the math, shall we? For simplicity's sake, let's assume our hypothetical refugee pulls down exactly what the e-mail suggests, and our pensioner gets the 2004 average Canada pension rate, in addition to old age pension, for a mere 15 years.

REFUGEE: $2,470 x 12 months = $29,640
PENSIONER: ($1,012 + $458) x 12 months x 15 years = $264,600

Suddenly, applying for refugee status instead of old age pension doesn't seem like such a bright idea, does it?

I have a better idea for those who accept this e-mail at face value: before you're allowed to claim the refugee status you think is so unfairly tilted in favour of those poor huddled masses, let's ship your clueless overprivileged asses over to Bosnia or Somalia or Darfur for five years. Then, when you come back, let's see how you feel about Canada's refugee policy.