Do not dis TURP

My parents just forwarded me an e-mail from an uncle of mine, who has undergone a surgical procedure called transurethral prostatectomy, or TURP for short. My uncle describes it better than I could ever hope to:

Most of the prostate is removed through the eye of the penis with a scope, which sounds like lots of fun. Takes about three weeks to heal up completely and during this time no heavy exertion, running up stairs or sexual intercourse [emphasis his, but it'd be mine if it were me]. If successful, it will be nice to pee normally again. Guy I know had it says that, "When I was young I could pee my full name in the snow. As I aged that was reduced to my initials; now I can once again pee my full name, as well as the first three bars of 'God Save the Queen.'" Sounds like an improvement.

Takes a lot to make me squeamish, but that did it. Only the medical profession could devise something so diabolical as ramming a scope up a guy's dink and cutting up his goddam prostate.

Nevertheless, I suspect something like this lies in my future, considering how much time I spend sitting directly on my prostate. I'm the Lance Armstrong of armchair riders.