In a triumph of the middling...

The Emmy Awards are on tonight. Considering the Emmys are supposed to celebrate achievement in television, and given the current state of televised entertainment, they should be abolished.

OK, so that's unrealistic. But wouldn't it be nice to see award categories that actually describe what they're about?

• Least Lousy Drama Series
• Only Comedy Series That Survived Mid-Season Replacements
• Best Fortysomething Film Actress Slumming Because the Only Good Parts Are on TV
• Best Supporting Katherine Heigl
• Least Derivative Reality Concept
• Best Winging It Disguised as Serial Drama Writing

None of this is enough to stop me from wanting a big TV with a wide screen. It's for movies, dontcha know.