Back online—for this?

The Luddite experiment is over and it's a pleasure to be back online. I actually didn't miss it much. I read more, for one thing.

Anyway, no sooner do I check my e-mail than I discover that someone in my family had sent me the old "Allah vs. Jesus" chain letter. Usually I'd just delete and forget. But this time it got to me. So I responded with the following reply-all rant:

Since someone has gone to the trouble of forwarding me this bit of ill-informed, fear-mongering drivel, the least I can do is offer a response that might actually be "mind provoking"—something the story most assuredly is not.

First off, let's get the comparison right. It's not Allah vs. Jesus. Allah is the Muslim word for God. In Christian theology, Jesus is the son of God. To compare the two directly is about as useful as comparing apples with oranges. Besides that, Catholics, Protestants and Muslims (and, for that matter, Jews) all believe in the same God. The hair-splitting that keeps causing all the killing is about who God's most recent prophet is. Christians say it was Jesus Christ; Muslims say it was Mohammad; the Jews are still waiting for their guy. Which pisses off Mel Gibson to no end, but there it is.

Moving on. The interpretation of the word "jihad" is as much a topic of theological debate as any of the Bible's numerous not-so-politically correct passages. Most moderate Muslims do not consider jihad to be a literal holy war of killing all the infidels. In fact, the Qur'an itself preaches tolerance toward other religions. It's true that Islam is an evangelistic faith; its followers are encouraged to share their beliefs with others in the hope of gaining converts. It's also undeniable that some extremist Muslims are bent on killing anyone who doesn't see things their way. But guess what: the Islamic fundamentalists are doing as fine a job at killing other Muslims as they are at killing enough infidels to earn themselves a virgin orgy in the hereafter. And the Catholics and Protestants all have their own lunatic fringes that are just as cheerfully killing each other. The point is this: your average Muslim may have a helluva lot more faith than your average Catholic, but he ain't about to strap on a bomb and head for the nearest restaurant anytime soon.

Now let's consider the story itself. Do you really think a Muslim imam as fanatical as this guy is purported to be would be "sheepish," "speechless" and hang his head in shame just because some dumbass prison preacher came at him with a few gross oversimplifications and outright fallacies about Islam? When's the last time you argued with a religious fundamentalist who got all embarrassed and silent in the face of your awe-inspiring arguments against his dogmatic worldview?

What this idiotic little right-wing parable really amounts to is nothing more than "my religion is better than yours" trying to play at authority by name-dropping Rick Mathes, who happens to be an actual prison minister.

But anyone with even the most rudimentary Internet skills (not to mention the slightest hint of skepticism) might be tempted to Google Mr. Mathes, as I did just now. The story is an online urban myth. Check out these two debunkings:

http://www.snopes.com/politics/religion/allah.asp
http://www.breakthechain.org/exclusives/rickmathes.html

That's right, folks. Break the chain. And next time you're tempted to forward bleating nonsense to everyone in your e-mail list, take the time to use your head first instead of your knee-jerk reflex.

Love, Sean

P.S. Don't mistake this rant for a defense of Islam. It's the main reason the Middle East is still 400 years behind countries that had the enlightened good sense to keep church and state the hell apart. Fact is, I view all religions with equal contempt. Reject one, reject 'em all.